My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
