All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
