Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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