you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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