I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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