Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
