All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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