I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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