The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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