worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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