have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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