thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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