So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
