all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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