Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
