Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
