you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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