Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
