last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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