My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
