dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
