dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
