Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
