on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
