don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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