I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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