She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
