I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
