I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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