Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
