Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
