I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
