i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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