forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
