Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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