I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
