He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
