the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
