Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
