just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
