i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
