Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
