My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize