dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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