I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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