i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
