Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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