butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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