we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
