just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
