My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
