So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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