Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
