i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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