Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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