I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
