one two three fourrrrnication!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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