We're facebook friends in real life
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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