Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
