I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
