Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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