remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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