found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
