Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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