I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize