just come out here and I will go home with you...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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