I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
