Dual....:-)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
