They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
